I went on a quest to find the cutest animal at the Kentucky State Fair 

LOUISVILLE — Apparently there is no blue ribbon at the Kentucky State Fair just for being cute. 

Well, at the risk of igniting controversy: There should be. 

I’m a bit of an expert when it comes to cute animals — after all, I have the most magnificent-looking rescue dogs you’ve ever seen. (Sorry to everyone else’s dogs). 

So, it’s only natural that I put these talents to good use Thursday and headed to the Kentucky Fair Grounds in search of the cutest animal. 

Before you accuse me of being subjective, I’d like you to know I established very serious scientific parameters and my methodology for this assignment was downright flawless. I dare anyone to say otherwise. 

The methodology 

First, I broke down the components of what makes an animal cute. It came down to these main factors: 

• The cuddle factor. Does the animal seem like a good cuddle buddy for a cold winter day?
• The ear factor. This can go several ways. One of my dogs has beautiful pointy ears and the other has floppy ears, so I’m a fan of both. But how distinguished is the ear? 
• The tail factor. Now, some tails are nothing to write home about, but some truly are special. 
• The fluff factor. If an animal that’s all fluffy and soft doesn’t make you want to start talking baby talk to it, I don’t fully trust you. 
• The je ne sais quoi factor. Sometimes, there’s just an unexplainable essence of an animal that speaks louder than all other factors. 

Using these parameters, I scored each animal out of 10. See, flawless. 

The contenders 

From livestock to the smaller animals in the Discovery Farm in the AgLand wing of the fair, there was no shortage of boopable snoots. 

I met a cow named Hotty who had a strong cuddle factor (I gave her a 7 out of 10) and special ears (they pointed forward and were quite Grinch-like) in the livestock area. 

She had this bored, aloof quality as she lay in her stall chewing her cud, which you might think would count against her, and if you thought that, you’d be wrong. 

A true joy and strong contender was a pig who had no name on her stall but who, when I happened upon her, was engaged in a full sploot in her pen. 

This was a real treat to see, and it put her cuddle factor through the roof. 

I also had the pleasure of seeing a llama with some kind of boy band hairdo, baby ducks running up and sliding into a tank of water over and over and a Li’l Sebastian (miniature horse). 

But the animal who most captured my heart was a taut pink hog named Sadie. 

I heard her before I saw her, squealing and grunting in what I can only assume were calls to be cuddled and entertained. 

As most of the hogs around her slept in their stalls, Sadie stuck her nose through her pen and sniffed at passersby, her small tail perfectly curled over her back like one might see in a cartoon, the sawdust she kept nosing around resting over her snout like a drawn-on mustache. 

She earned the highest score for the tail factor of any animal I saw. Her ears, too, were like wafting little fans on her head, and at one point, I’m quite sure I saw her stick her tongue out in a little blep. 

She was by far the most interactive animal I came across at the fair, and I so wished to ignore the sign that quite clearly instructed me not to pet her. (Don’t worry, I followed the rules). 

I imagine Sadie is the type of gal one could cuddle up with on the couch while watching a favorite television show in the cold of winter. 

Here’s your virtual blue ribbon, Sadie. You’re now officially the cutest animal at the state fair.