Possibly coming to a classroom near you: ‘Teacher, what does “adultery” mean?’

Imagine this coming to a South Carolina classroom near you. It could happen if the General Assembly follows Texas and Louisiana with a law requiring public school classrooms to display the Ten Commandments:

(Scene: A lively second-grade classroom. Students settle into their desks. A hand is raised.)

Student: Teacher, what is “adultery”?

Teacher: What?! Where did you see a word like that?

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Student: It’s on the wall.

Teacher: Someone wrote that on the bathroom wall?

Student: No, it’s in the classroom. (Points to the Ten Commandments recently placed on the classroom wall.)

Teacher: Oh, you’re talking about the Ten Commandments. The Legislature required every classroom to post them on the wall.

Student: Why?

Teacher: Well, the Legislature says they’re important.

Second Student: Is the Legislature a church?

Teacher: No. It’s not a church.

First Student: OK, but I still don’t know what “adultery” means.

Teacher: I think the Legislature wanted you to read the commandments but not ask questions about them.

Third Student: But why can’t we ask questions? Didn’t you say we can’t learn if we don’t ask questions?

Teacher: Well, yes, but some of these commandments are not what we call “age appropriate.”

Third Student: But why would they put them on the wall then?

Teacher: (Sighs) I don’t know. No one asked me. State lawmakers don’t talk to teachers.

First Student: So, what is adultery?

Teacher: Heavens. That’s when a married person cheats on their husband or wife.

Fourth Student: Is that what they call “sex”?

Teacher: You know, you really need to ask your parents. It’s time for math.

Fifth Student: What’s a graven image? It says you can’t make a graven image.

Teacher: That’s an idol.

Sixth Student: Like “American Idol”? We can’t watch “American Idol”? My parents like “American Idol.”

Teacher: No, “American Idol” is an OK kind of idol. I mean, it’s different…

Seventh Student: Is an idol like a statue?

Teacher: Yes, sometimes.

Seventh Student: We have statues at school.

Teacher: Yes.

Seventh Student: Are those idols?

Teacher: No.

Seventh Student: How do you know?

Teacher: Let’s talk about fractions.

Eighth Student: What does “covet” mean? And what’s a “manservant”? Is that like a slave?

Teacher: Oh, my. Well, sometimes it was, but…

Ninth Student: What about “Thou shalt not kill”? My dad says we’re fighting a war. Are soldiers allowed to kill people?

Teacher: Is that the lunch bell? I feel like I heard the lunch bell.

Ninth Student: Are soldiers allowed to kill people?

Teacher: That’s … a very complicated question.

Ninth Student: But it’s right there on the wall.

Teacher: Yes, but…

Ninth Student: So, is the wall wrong?

Teacher: No, I mean, yes, I mean. … It should say “murder,” not “kill.”

Ninth Student: Who decided it should say, “kill,” not “murder”?

Teacher: That’s a very good question.

Principal Smith (Energetically pops his head into the classroom). Hello! How’s everything going today?

Teacher: Oh, Principal Smith, I have a question about the Ten Commandments.

Principal Smith: Oh, what’s your question?

Teacher: What am I supposed to tell the children when they ask what they mean?

Principal Smith: We’re waiting for guidance from the district.

Teacher: What does the district say?

Principal Smith: We’re waiting for guidance from the state.

Teacher: What does the state say?

Principal Smith: The Legislature says the commandments speak for themselves.

Teacher: Not to 7-year-olds.

Tenth Student: Teacher, who is the Lord?

Principal Smith: Laterz! (Principal Smith disappears.)

Teacher: The Lord?

Tenth Student: It says, “I AM the Lord thy God.”

Teacher: That’s referring to God.

Tenth Student: Which god? My family is Hindu.

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Teacher: Well … The Ten Commandments are part of Jewish and Christian religions.

Tenth Student: But we’re not all Jewish or Christian.

Teacher: No, we’re not.

Tenth Student: But they’re on our wall.

Teacher: Yes.

Tenth Student: So, are they everyone’s rules — no matter what my parents believe?

Teacher: OK, everybody, recess! (Students run out.)

Teacher: I have a question, too. (Looks at the Ten Commandments.) Am I a teacher? Or a preacher?

Editor’s note: The House passed legislation 84-31 in February that would require an 11-by-13-inch poster or framed copy in every classroom, alongside a “context statement.” The Senate never took up that bill, which officially died when the regular legislative session ended in May. Supporters could reintroduce the proposal for the session that starts in January.