‘We’ve got to be able to protect these kids’

The tragic death of a nonbinary Oklahoma teen after a fight in a school bathroom is the not-so-secret fear of any parent of an LGBTQ+ student, namely that the ongoing tide of bigotry and hatred will focus itself in a brief moment on their child, placing them in danger of being injured — or worse.

For 16-year-old Oklahoma high school student Nex Benedict, who used they/them pronouns, that moment came on Feb. 7 when they said a fight erupted in a bathroom at Owasso High School.

The next day, Nex was dead, leaving their loved ones to grieve and many parents of LGBTQ+ children to confront a reality they’d prefer not to think about. 

“It’s horrifying,” said Karessa Wheeler of East Lansing who’s a communications manager at the College of Social Science at Michigan State University and the mother of two trans kids, ages 15 and 20.

“When I think about it, I just feel sick, nauseous, heartbroken for that poor child and their family, and scared. It’s very terrifying for my children and all children like Nex,” Wheeler told the Michigan Advance.

“In today’s climate, I feel like it’s a very scary place to grow up,” she said. “They were always targets … but this one feels particularly cruel.”

On Feb. 21, police in Owasso, located about 13 miles northeast of Tulsa, said preliminary autopsy results indicated the teen’s death was not the result of “trauma” leading many to believe it meant that the death was not related to the fight. However, police have since walked back that statement.  

Lt. Nick Boatman, the spokesperson for the Owasso Police Department, admitted to the Popular Information newsletter that he had not been explicitly informed by the medical examiner that Nex’s death was unrelated to the head injuries suffered in the fight and that the department had “reached out to the medical examiner’s office to try to head off some of this national scrutiny.” He has since told NBC News that the medical examiner’s office didn’t say it had ruled out the fight as causing or contributing to Benedict’s death and that “people shouldn’t make assumptions either way.”

Meanwhile, The Independent reported that court documents it obtained indicate police had initially treated Nex’s death as a possible homicide, obtaining a search warrant to look for evidence of “felony murder.” According to the paper, investigators took 137 photographs of the school, including inside the bathroom where the fight occurred, where they also collected two swabs of stains.

Benedict’s family, in a statement released by their attorney, indicated that not all of the pertinent details about the incident have been released and cast doubt on how the official investigation was being conducted.

“While various investigations are still pending, the facts currently known by the family, some of which have been released to the public, are troubling at best,” said the statement. “Notwithstanding, the family is independently interviewing witnesses and collecting all available evidence. The Benedict Family calls on all school, local, state and national officials to join forces to determine why this happened, to hold those responsible to account and to ensure it never happens again.”

Nex’s mother, Sue Benedict, told Popular Information she considered the Owasso Police statement as a “big cover” and believed it was only released as “something to calm the people.” 

Owasso Public Schools said in a statement that the students involved “walked under their own power to the assistant principal’s office and nurse’s office,” where they were given a health assessment by a district registered nurse and that per policy, “students needing further support were transported to a medical facility either by ambulance or by a parent/guardian, depending on the severity of the injuries and preference of the parent/guardian.”

However, Benedict told The Independent that she was “furious” when she was called to the school and found Nex “badly beaten with bruises over their face and eyes, and with scratches on the back of their head,” but that neither an ambulance nor police had been called. She said she was also informed Nex was being suspended for two weeks.

Benedict called police once she arrived with Nex at the hospital. On Feb. 23, bodycam footage was released by the Owasso Police Department of school resource officer Caleb Thompson’s interview.

“So what happened today?” asks Thompson after he enters the exam room.

“I got jumped,” Nex responds.

Nex’s mother then tells Thompson that Nex had complained to her of being bullied, along with a friend, by three girls who were making comments, calling them names and throwing things at them. Sue Benedict said she told Nex to rise above it.

“She did, until she couldn’t in the bathroom,” said Benedict. “And they said that there was three girls that were on top of [Nex] just beating the crap out of [them].”

Nex then described for the officer what happened in the bathroom.

“I was talking with my friends, they were talking with their friends, and we were laughing,” said Nex. “And they had said something like, ‘Why do they laugh like that?’ And they were talking about us in front of us. And so I went up there and I poured water on them, and then all three of them came at me.”

Nex said the girls got their legs out from under them and then “started beating the s–t out of me,” before they blacked out. 

Thompson indicated that the school had “dropped the ball” by not notifying him right away, but also discouraged Sue Benedict from filing a complaint.

“We’ve got this back and forth when both parties had equal opportunity to separate, so that’s where I’m saying it’s not going to be in the best of light for you,” he said. “But I can absolutely do that if that’s what you like. I’m just telling you it may not go the direction you want it to go.”

After Thompson said Benedict could still file a complaint the next day, she agreed to hold off and decide later.

However, that chance would never come.

After being assessed and treated at the hospital, Nex was discharged and sent home, but collapsed the following afternoon and later was pronounced dead at a nearby hospital.

Benedict said the bullying of Nex became more focused at the beginning of the 2023 school year, just a few months after GOP Oklahoma Gov. Kevin Stitt signed a bill that required public school students to use only the bathroom of the sex listed on their birth certificate.

It was just the latest in a series of laws passed in recent years by the state’s Republican-led legislature targeting transgender and nonbinary people, including a ban on gender affirming care for trans kids, prohibiting the use of nonbinary gender markers on birth certificates, and a ban on transgender girls or women from playing on women’s sports teams.

The already hostile atmosphere to trans students has only been intensified by Oklahoma Superintendent of Public Schools Ryan Walters, who was elected in 2022 on a culture war platform of fighting “woke ideology” in public schools and stopping “radical leftists” he claims were indoctrinating students.

But when Walters named Libs of TikTok creator Chaya Raichik last month to a Library Media Advisory Committee at the Oklahoma State Department of Education, it was a step too far for many. 

The Libs of TikTok account that Raichik runs on the X platform has 2.8 million followers. It has been called a key influencer of right-wing dialogue and spotlights content that Taylor Lorenz of The Washington Post said in 2022 had a “direct correlation with the recent push in legislation and rhetoric directly targeting the LGBTQ+ community.” Lorenz on Friday posted a 53-minute video of her interviewing Raichik in which she admitted having only been to Oklahoma once, a red state she said had “a lot of wokeness,” and disclaimed any responsibility or connection to the threats that immediately target those she posts about.

That targeting included several days of bomb threats last August against a Tulsa-area school district after Libs of TikTok shared a video from a district librarian, who satirically posted about pushing a “woke agenda.” 

It also included a post in 2022 that led to Owasso teacher Tyler Wrynn receiving death threats amid a harassment campaign, after he posted a video supporting LGBTQ+ students. Wrynn eventually resigned.

“Nex was very angry about it,” Sue Benedict told The Independent about Wrynn’s treatment.

Raichik has dismissed claims that her content results in violence or harassment, but has also reveled in that reputation. After USA Today featured her on the front page last November for a story that documented threats and harassment that follow Libs of TikTok social media posts, Raichik posted a picture of her holding the paper, while she smiled. 

Media Matters also reported on a comment Raichik made in January 2023 during a podcast with Elijah Schaffer in which he said she was being labeled as a stochastic terrorist, or someone who intellectually inspires violence. Her reaction was to say, “Honestly that makes me feel really important, so thank you.”

While Walters said the death was a “heartbreaking tragedy,” during an Oklahoma State Board of Education meeting on Feb. 22, several attendees blamed the rhetoric from Walters and other state officials for the harassment and aggression Nex experienced.

“These children who attacked Nex had to be taught to hate,” said Mike Howe, a former Tulsa school principal who speaks at state board meetings regularly.

And last week, a Republican Oklahoma state senator called the LGBTQ+ community “filth” during a public forum.

Wheeler says that it may be easy for people to assume that type of extremist viewpoint isn’t something to worry about in Michigan, but that’s a luxury the LGBTQ+ community doesn’t have.

“We are fortunate to live where we do, that feels more supportive, but it doesn’t mean it can’t happen here,” she said. “If Roe v. Wade taught us anything, we can lose those [rights] just as quickly. One switch of administration in the governor’s office and we could be Oklahoma. So it’s very, very scary.”

The statistics bear out that fear. According to a November 2023 report by the Human Rights Campaign, since January 2013, 335 transgender and gender non-conforming individuals had been identified as victims of fatal violence in the United States, with 33 of those fatalities, almost 10%, occurring since 2022’s Transgender Day of Remembrance.

In fact, for the first time in their more than 40 year history, the Human Rights Campaign in 2023 declared a National State of Emergency for LGBTQ+ Americans, in response to what the organization said was a record-breaking 550 anti-LGBTQ+ bills that were introduced into state houses across the country, more than 80 of which were passed into law. 

Wheeler said the type of fear and hatred being directed at the LGBTQ+ community creates a constant state of anxiety that manifests itself in situations that most people don’t think twice about. 

“We had gone to Kensington Metropark over the winter break to do some birdwatching, and my youngest is transmasculine. And he followed me into the women’s restroom because he did not feel like he was safe enough to use the bathroom that he would prefer to use or that he would normally use because it was an unknown area, an area they hadn’t spent any time in,” she said.

Wheeler says that type or fear is constantly stoked by elected officials and people in power throughout Michigan and elsewhere who engage in “hateful speech that is targeting children and can cause their death.”

Whatever the final determination is about Nex’s death, Emme Zanotti, director of advocacy and civic engagement at the Equality Michigan Action Network, tells the Advance the atmosphere that Walters and other Oklahoma lawmakers encouraged is not an abstraction.

“I think it’s gravely irresponsible and disheartening to continue to see certain politicians and public figures play politics with kids’ lives, and regardless of how an autopsy turns out in Oklahoma, it sounds like pervasive bullying and harassment was an issue for Nex,” said Zanotti. “Pervasive bullying and harassment is an issue for young LGBTQ people all over our country.”

Zanotti says it’s well documented that the negative sentiments being pushed out by politicians in the media have negative mental health consequences for LGBTQ+ youth, but what happened to Nex is a perfect example of how that can also lead to negative physical consequences.

Vic Gipson, a co-facilitator of the My Trans Voice Youth Advisory Council with the Michigan Organization on Adolescent Sexual Health (MOASH), says Nex’s story has brought feelings of grief, anger, sadness and loneliness for many of the trans youth he works with.

“Many trans adolescents were able to imagine themselves in Nex’s shoes, whether reflecting on adverse previous experiences in restrooms or recalling threats and physical harm they’ve endured,” Gipson told the Advance. “Many shared the feeling of ‘that could’ve been me.’ Many parents have felt fear for their children and disgust toward the officials who made the decisions to let Nex down. Lots of trans community members have shared the same feelings of agreeing that this incident has been devastating.”

Those feelings are shared by Nex’s classmates, who on Monday staged a peaceful walkout at Owasso High School. At least 40 students are reported to have participated in the protest of what they described as a lack of attention to the bullying problem.

“I just want to get the word out and show these kids that we’re here,” Cassidy Brown, demonstration organizer and Owasso graduate, told KTUL-TV. “There is a community here in this city that does exist, and we see them, and they are loved.”

For those interested in making sure what happened to Nex won’t happen in Michigan, MOASH Executive Director Taryn Gal said they should understand that efforts to protect LGBTQ+ students have been extensive and ongoing.

“Although far from perfect, we are grateful to be in Michigan where there has been a lot of work done over many years to not only prevent incidents like this from happening, but to allow trans and nonbinary youth to thrive in Michigan schools,” Gal told the Advance.

Gal said there are several strategies to facilitate student safety that are already available to Michigan schools, including aligning policies and practices with the 2016 Michigan State Board of Education’s Statement and Guidance on Safe and Supportive Learning Environments for LGBTQ Students. 

“This guidance outlines best practices in what school districts should implement to prevent something similar to what happened to Nex,” she said. “This guidance includes many concrete examples, such as starting a GSA (or similar) club; enumerating policies (e.g., anti-bullying) to include sexual orientation, gender identity, and gender expression, and then enforcing them; training staff and school boards; respecting student pronouns and access to bathrooms etc.; ensuring representation in curriculum.”

Gal said districts can also make sure their staff and administrators are trained by the Michigan Department of Education’s LGBTQ+ Students Project, which offers research-informed workshops on best practices to school districts across the state to ensure that learning environments are as safe, supportive, and affirming as possible. 

But for any of those practices to be effective, she said districts need to be open to the dangers LGBTQ+ students face day in and day out.

“Be courageous,” she said. “We know that most school districts are doing and/or want to do the right thing. They know what the right thing is in order to best serve their trans and nonbinary students, which, ultimately, best serves all of their students. Do not be fooled by the loudest voices. Those loud (and often few) voices in opposition to these best practices are often not representative of the community and they are not representative of those most impacted.”

Wheeler said the situation that it appears Nex found themselves in, targeted for who they are, does not occur in a vacuum.   

“I hope all people, and especially all parents, really put themselves in the place of Nex’s family and realize that these are people who are loved and are precious and they need to be respected,” she said. “If you’re going to teach your children hate, don’t be surprised when they end up killing a peer, because that is what it leads to. And we’ve got to be able to protect these kids.”