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Weekend humor from Celia Rivenbark: Clarence & Ginni get grounded


Weekend humor from Celia Rivenbark: Clarence & Ginni get grounded

Dec 02, 2023 | 6:00 am ET
By Celia Rivenbark
Weekend humor from Celia Rivenbark: Clarence & Ginni get grounded
Justice Clarence Thomas and his wife Ginni at a public event -- presumably not discussing new Suprme Court ethics policies. (Photo by Drew Angerer/Getty Images)

Ginni Thomas: “Good morning your Honor! Why haven’t you packed yet? I thought Harlan said we were going to Rio this weekend. Why the long face?”

Clarence Thomas: “Do you watch the news, Ginni? Do you not understand what has happened? They just announced the Supreme Court has adopted a Code of Ethics!”

Ginni (confused): “I’m sorry; I’m not following…”

Clarence (morose): “No more trips, no more sitting around chewing the fat with the most powerful billionaires in the world while someone paints our portrait. You know. Normal stuff! Gone! All gone!”

Ginni (coming around): “Are you saying…No!! It can’t be!! Are you saying we’re going to be governed by the same ethics used by lower courts? But we’ve worked so hard to get to a place where NONE of the rules apply to us! “

Clarence (sadly): “That’s right Ginni. We’ve spent decades living  above the law and it’s all gone! Poof!”

Ginni: (getting hysterical) “No, no Clare-bear! Are you saying we’re going to be …poor? Like Justice Kagan? NPR said she rents the parking space that came with her (shudder) condominium to make extra money!”

Clarence: “It’s true. She does. And there’s an ugly rumor she sells pictures of her tiny feet on OnlyFans.”

Ginni: (thoughtful) “I could see that. But Clarence, seriously, what are we going to do? If you start recusing yourself with these new, (blech) ETHICS, when your billionaire pals have a case before the court it means you won’t be able to help them! Do you realize we’ve had 38 vacations to exotic locales over the years thanks to Harlan Crow alone? OMG. You mean we’ll have to fly COACH? I’ll die first. What about our VIP passes to sporting events and shows? How will we live without those?”

Clarence: “Hmmm. Let’s see your feet…”

Ginni: “Not funny! You know I’m devout. I don’t even have any feet. Toe cleavage is of the devil. Hey, maybe this so-called Code of Ethics can just sorta disappear. Maybe y’all could agree to say you were going to follow it and then, well, not.”

Clarence: “Way ahead of you Ginnitonic.  I mean, honestly, this particular Code of Ethics is leaky as a rowboat full of migrants.”

Ginni (doubled over laughing): “Oh, Clarence, you always know how to make me laugh no matter what! Migrants sinking! You scamp!”

Clarence: “Dear, don’t fret. Even though Justice Roberts made a big show of announcing it, this is actually a toothless tiger, if you will.”

Ginni: “What are you saying? You mean even if you violate the ethics code…”

Clarence: “That’s right! There’s absolutely no penalty!”

Ginni: “Then I fail to see a problem! You had me all worried for no good reason ya big lug! I’m going to pack for our trip…”

Clarence: “About that. We might want to lay low for just a little while.”

Ginni: “Rats! But what about our front-row seats to the Jason Aldean-Kid Rock concert?”

Clarence: “Arrrrgh. This is going to be painful. But maybe we should just look ethical for now.”

Ginni: (pouting) “I guess if we HAVE to. Oh, it’s just so awful to have to be held to the same standard as everyone else. We’re different! Who else is appointed to a job for LIFE?”

Clarence: “No one. Even presidents only get two terms.”

Clarence and Ginni (unison) “Losers!”

Ginni: “I bet Sammy Alito’s upset, too. Didn’t he go on a big salmon fishing expedition in Alaska with his very own billionaire with business before the court?”

Clarence: “Yep. It was like a hundred years ago but they act like it’s a big deal. Kagan and Sotomayor and the rest were all like (high voice) “We can’t accept lavish gifts! We’re not royalty!”

Ginni: “Maybe they aren’t but we are. Right Love Muffin?”

Clarence: “Guilty as charged.”