Voters, this is how little the Florida Legislature thinks of you

You’ve heard of the U.S. Constitution, right? You can see one of the 1789 originals right there in the National Archives.

At least until the current regime shuts the place down for harboring wokey documents.

You can get yourself a cheap copy of the newest iteration — the one with the freedom of speech part as well as the birthright citizenship, the equal protection under the law, the votes for women, term limits for presidents, and other exciting stuff — small enough to fit in your pocket.

Many of us feel quite attached to the Constitution. Not the current regime, of course, but, you know, actual, normal, sane Americans, at least half the country, maybe even more.

Florida also has a pretty good Constitution. From time to time, citizens have voted to make it even better, trying to improve education, preserve the environment, increase the minimum wage.

The problem is, the governor and the Legislature don’t much like the Florida Constitution. They don’t much like each other, either. And they really don’t like that actual, normal, sane Floridians have been able to amend that Constitution. So now they’ve made it damn near impossible.

A new law demands that petition circulators and petition signers provide all manner of ID, a Florida driver’s license, and last four digits of their Social Security number. Only Florida residents can gather signatures. All signatures have to be turned into the supervisor of elections 10 days after the voter signs or the gatherer will be fined $50 per day per signer.

If voters sign on or before Feb. 1 in an election year, the fine for late turn-ins is $100 a pop, and, if the gatherer “acted willfully” in holding onto voter info and providing late petitions, it’ll cost the gatherer $5,000 a pop.

If you’re not registered as a petition collector and you have in your possession more than 25 signatures in addition to your own petition form or one from a family member, you could be charged with a third-degree felony.

And if Mars aligns with Saturn on a rainy Tuesday in an odd-numbered year, well, you’re going to jail, Buster.

Pregnant pigs

The sponsors of this idiotic bill claim it’s necessary, pointing to a 900-page report alleging all manner of malfeasance in the 2024 campaigns to approve reproductive rights and allow recreational marijuana use.

The report was issued by Ron DeSantis’ own goon squad, the Office of Election Crimes, the same clown car cops who went around arresting people for Voting While Black. This large and extensive investigation netted 18 arrests. Nearly 1 million people, real live Floridians, signed the petition.

In the end, 57.2% voted “yes” on Amendment 4; 42.8%voted “no.” In a normal democracy, we’d call that a win. Of course, Florida is not a normal democracy: maybe not much of a democracy at all.

The Legislature can stick any amendment they favor on the ballot. You, Floridian, have to jump through hoops of fire, spin straw into gold, and answer the Riddle of the Sphinx.

An amendment needs 60% to pass. It used to be a simple majority, but after citizens voted in the notorious pregnant pig amendment, many thought the threshold for enshrining something in the Constitution should be higher and chose to toughen the standard.

You can kind of see why: Outlawing cruelty to our porcine friends was well and good, but did it really belong in the document that lays out the ideals and laws governing the state? I mean, if you want to see an out-of-control constitution, look at Alabama’s: It’s around 370,000 words long and has 900 amendments addressing such issues such as playing dominoes, impersonating a preacher, and driving while blindfolded.

Problem is, if you have a gerrymandered-to-all-hell Legislature, completely unresponsive to the needs of the citizens, amending the Constitution is about the only way to get genuinely important measures passed.

In 2014, 75 percent of Florida voters said “yes” to the Water and Land Conservation Act, which mandated the state use a percentage of real estate taxes to buy and manage properties critical to clean water and wildlife habitat.

But the Legislature and various state agencies chose to ignore what three-quarters of Floridians clearly said they wanted. While the state bought some land with the money, it also paid for office furniture, computers, salaries, even ball caps — none of which do much for the natural environment.

Politicians know better, right?

Thwarting the voters

Same with the class-size amendment, passed in 2002. Voters said K-12 students would learn better if classes weren’t over-stuffed. Then-Gov. Jeb Bush and the Legislature shrugged and refused to enforce the will of the people.

In 2020, voters said how about we gradually increase the minimum wage to a princely 15 bucks an hour by 2026? (FYI: A “living wage” for a single person in Florida is about $23 an hour.)

This year, the Legislature thought maybe we didn’t really mean that and why not let employers pay less than the current minimum of $13 an hour? They called these indentured-servitude jobs “pre-apprenticeships” and “work-based learning opportunities” for young people who don’t happen to belong to the middle-class and might learn valuable skills such as tomato-picking and lawn maintenance.

In a rare moment of sanity during this year’s legislative session, that bill failed. But the governor and Legislature succeeded in casting citizens’ ballot initiatives as ethically and legally dubious.

There was indeed an element of alleged criminality surrounding the abortion and marijuana amendments — on the governor’s part. He weaponized the state against Amendment 4, sending police to petition signers’ homes to question them, posting misinformation on state websites, and threatened broadcasters who ran ads promoting reproductive rights with criminal charges.

Hope Florida, a foundation controlled by Casey DeSantis, used taxpayer money to fight Amendment 3.

Even some Republicans were appalled by this misuse of public funds. Indeed, the only good thing about the new bill is that it bans state officials from using your money to promote or vilify a proposed amendment.

It’s not airtight. But maybe it will slow down Florida’s march toward autocracy.