Of stepchildren, pets and politicians’ thoughts on them

The politics of these past few weeks have been like riding the Space Mountain roller coaster at Walt Disney World with my grandchildren. It has been a wild ride, and a little strange. 

I consider myself a parent to my three stepchildren but I have been reading that one of the vice presidential candidates may not consider me, or other women like me, a real mother because I did not give birth to my stepchildren. Really? 

I thought when I married my husband, Larry, that I would be a fun adult friend and not a parent. The kids already had a wonderful mother who quickly became my friend. But phrases like, “because I said so,” or “this is not a democracy,” soon came out of my mouth because I loved them and wanted to protect them. Like any worthwhile parent, I did not want them making the same mistakes that I did. 

During the first 10 years of our marriage I had many sleepless nights. I cared about their choices and worried when I could not shelter them from the evil out in the world. And guess what? I still think about them all the time even though they are living great lives and have blessed me with perfect grandchildren. 

I do not think it is kind to make parents feel inadequate. Nor is it right to say mean things about people who adopt children and couples who choose to use  in vitro fertilization (IVF) to have babies. I take these questions about parenting personally, because I have dear cousins who joined my world through adoption and some of my family opted for IVF to bring babies into our family.  

Words matter and this kind of talk hurts parents who are doing the best that they can so just stop. Please. Maybe even apologize but definitely just stop.

Our choice of pets is a thing now too and cat owners are being criticized and this is more than a little weird. Anytime a news story mentions animals, I check it out: I have always loved animals and my life has been blessed with many memorable pets. 

Growing up, we had a wonderful dog and many cats. We had burials in the back yard as tears streamed down our faces. Now I find myself puzzled because one of the candidates does not appear to like cats — and possibly their owners. 

I love just about anything with four legs. When I met my Larry, his family included not only his teenagers, but one black kitten named Max. Larry frequently took his children on trips for debate competitions and I volunteered to check on Max. He was a special mischievous cat and I vowed not to become too fond of him because I would miss him if Larry and I broke up. That never happened and when we married, my family included my stepchildren and Max the cat.

When we came home from our brief honeymoon and got ready for bed, I prepared a place for Max to sleep on our bed.  Larry said, “What are you doing? Max does not sleep in our bedroom,” to which “He does now.” 

He was such a fun kitty, he liked dogs and he was the first, but not the last, cat who would wear a harness and take me for walks outside. When he died of health issues suddenly, we were devastated. 

I called my Mother to tell her my cat had died and I confessed that I grieved more for the death of my pet than I had for some of my relatives when they died. What my mother said next has stayed with me. She said, “Your pet was nicer to you than some of our family members have been.”

That statement from my late Mother has stayed with me. She had advised us that anytime we were part of an uncomfortable gathering  to bring up pets and sports, usually any sport that involved the University of Tennessee. 

After Max died, Larry and I decided to rescue two more black cats, Caesar and Cleo. They were litter mates and blended in with our family and our busy lifestyle. Years later when we had to send them across the rainbow bridge, Larry told me a cute black kitten was available to adopt. 

When I went to meet the kitten, I knew he — who soon became Nick — had selected us to be his staff. His litter mate, Dash, was with him and we could not separate these brothers. 

Dash and Nick have been with us 15 years and have brought us so much comfort as we have had to bury parents and other loved ones. During the pandemic they were especially comforting. 

Nick serenaded Larry’s audience when Larry was leading a zoom discussion and would not stop until Larry paid attention to him. Dash likes his harness and we explore the yard together. Nick and Dash make frequent appearances on our book reviews. 

I believe our Creator wants us to be stewards of this earth and that kittens and puppies were created to make us smile and bring us comfort. I am convinced that my pets will be there to welcome me when it is my time to cross that rainbow bridge. 

Politicians should know better than to criticize a person’s pets who are family members: if talking about pets is always a safe subject in conversation, than politicians talking badly about them could be a recipe for irritating a good portion of the electorate.