Some bills are just weird — but if I were a lawmaker, I’d have a few of my own

The longer I cover the legislative process, the easier it seems to find silly bills that waste state time and effort.

But I’m going to be honest here and say I would file some crazy bills too if I ever became a lawmaker. I’m not sure I could resist putting my pet peeves into legal form.

That’s what I see in House Bill 1064, a move by Middletown Rep. Cory Criswell to demand that schools take cash for entry into paid extracurricular events such as sports. Talk about micromanagement.

He said on the House floor that “cash is king,” but I have to side with schools who prefer to not handle cash, which is easily stolen. I mean, if being cashless is good enough for our state’s professional sports leagues, then schools should be left alone.

But if I were to file my own version of this bill, it would be about grocery stores increasingly moving to self-checkout. If I have to check out my own groceries, I deserve a percentage off my whole bill. Stores are saving money, so why aren’t I?

We have not one, but two, state emblem bills this year. One would designate the Indiana bat as the official state mammal. A second would name the persimmon the state fruit. Neither have moved this session, though the latter bill had a hearing complete with cute fourth graders pushing the persimmon.

The fact is the number of state emblems has proliferated in recent years. We are way beyond a state tree (tulip) and flower (peony). We have 15 of these entities now and six of them have been put into law since 2005.

Do we really need a state rifle? Aircraft? Fossil? Snack? Even filing the bills takes time and effort of legislative staff.

But if I were to file my own version of this bill, I would want to have an official state sport. Basketball is the obvious answer but auto racing also carves out an international identity for Hoosiers. Imagine the arguments on the floor!

The bill this year that I find most hilarious is one that criminalizes controlling the weather. You read that right. I have to give credit to fellow reporter Brandon Smith for spotting this one.

House Bill 1335, by Wabash Rep. Lorissa Sweet, prohibits a person who has the intent of affecting the intensity of sunlight, temperature, or weather from discharging a chemical or apparatus into the atmosphere.

No more creating hurricanes, people! If passed, you could be charged with a B misdemeanor.

This leads me to close out with my own hilarious law. Indiana won’t be able to avoid legalizing marijuana forever, though it might try.

My hope is that when it does, Hoosiers will be the first in the nation to legalize the drug only in edible form. I would continue a ban on using the product as an inhalant.

I am tired of visiting cities where cannabis is legal and being plagued by that awful smell — in hotel rooms, on the street. It’s everywhere and is downright unpleasant.

I’m sure my bills have no chance of passage, as do many of the bills that I criticize each year.