It seems unlikely that it was good

I missed my morning meeting today (my computer literally always lies to me about the time it will spend updating itself and yet I never learn). After, I was informed by three people, separately, that the most apparent theme for today’s newsletter was something in the vein of “stories that are depressing.” I was a little bemused — isn’t that, on some level, always our theme?* — but after perusing the top stories, I understand! Despair is normally an undercurrent here, but today, it’s a veritable tidal wave! 

It’s not all doom and gloom, I promise. The subject matter might be dreary, but the analysis is not. I am here for your debunking needs! Let the snark heal you! 

*America!

The Big Takeaway

The bright spot here (from a writing perspective, anyway) is that everything is pretty evenly disheartening, which means we can jump in anywhere! Let’s start in Ohio, where a statewide abortion ban has forced at least three minors to flee the state to terminate pregnancies that resulted from rape. One victim had been sexually assaulted by a family member. Another was 10 years old, the Ohio Capital Journal reported.

Those stories were among dozens detailed in sworn affidavits filed by abortion providers as part of a lawsuit that seeks to halt enforcement of the state’s abortion ban. The policy, approved five years before the fall of Roe v. Wade, allows abortions only in cases of “medical emergency” or conditions that pose “serious risk of the substantial and irreversible impairment of a major bodily function,” but provides no clear definition of either scenario.  The result, according to the lawsuit, is a law that’s too vague to enforce, violates residents’ right to privacy and discriminates against anyone who is (or may become) pregnant.

Doctors and abortion providers furnished dozens of examples to bolster those claims. Three patients threatened suicide. One planned to drink bleach to end her pregnancy. Two patients with cancer couldn’t proceed with treatment because they were pregnant. Three Ohioans learned their fetuses had fatal conditions; three others suffered from debilitating pregnancy-related vomiting. None could get an abortion in Ohio.

The ban’s effects rippled beyond abortion clinics, providers said. Several patients with ectopic pregnancies were denied treatment at emergency rooms by doctors who feared retribution under the law. Others have felt rushed to terminate their pregnancies before having time to fully consider their options. At least one sexual assault investigation was stalled when a victim had to leave the state for an abortion, presenting jurisdictional hurdles that made it difficult for local law enforcement to collect forensic evidence. 

In summary, it’s a mess of a law that does little to actually curtail abortions. Abortion-rights advocates, doctors and people who have a basic understanding of reproductive health care have tried repeatedly to highlight the policy’s flaws for the men who championed it, most of whom have remained markedly silent amid the fallout of its implementation. 

They may be taking their cues from Ohio Gov. Mike DeWine, who’s offered vague platitudes about creating an “environment … where families and children can thrive” while repeatedly declining to explain how children and minors with disabilities might “thrive” under a policy that forces them to give birth to their abusers’ babies.

The governor’s vow of silence has since extended beyond abortion to … kind of everything? He’s even declined to give a straight answer on whether he’d debate Nan Whaley, his Democratic challenger in November’s gubernatorial race. Asked about it last month, DeWine served up a bland word salad filled with morsels like, “I suspect there will be joint appearances.” This week, he finally gave a (nonverbal) answer by formally declining an invitation to participate in a series of nonpartisan debates this fall.

Incredibly, DeWine has justified that refusal by citing his “openness to interviews” and his history of “newspaper editorial meetings.” That, coupled with his “decades in office,” provide plenty of information for voters, he said. (To be fair, it probably does, though perhaps not in the way he’s hoping.)

Information didn’t appear to be a factor in Tennessee, where Republicans announced a plan to stop a Nashville-based university hospital from providing gender-affirming care to minors. The proposal, detailed by the Tennessee Lookout, is well-researched and rooted in evidence, by which I mean it’s based on a series of Twitter videos from a far-right blogger.

The idiocy began Tuesday, when Matt Walsh, a Daily Wire writer who believes that Black mermaids aren’t “scientific,” posted on Twitter a collection of videos showing physicians from Vanderbilt University Medical Center discussing gender-affirming care. According to Walsh, the clips proved that Vanderbilt “drugs, chemically castrates, and performs double mastectomies on minors,” among other things. But they don’t, of course, prove any of this, according to reality and also to me! I will now dissect them for you! I love my life!

Clip #1: A doctor describes gender transition surgery as a “big moneymaker,” which can fetch the hospital up to $100,000 in reimbursements. I don’t know if that amount is correct — I’m sorry but I don’t love you enough to wade into reimbursement rate data tables — but I do know that these discussions happen often, about every kind of medicine, at hospitals all over the country. It’s one of many charming side effects of our stupid for-profit health system, which would all disappear if people like Walsh got on board with nationalized care (they won’t). But none of this really matters anyway, because the doctor in the video never mentions children. 

Clip #2: A plastic surgeon explains the guidelines doctors must follow before performing double mastectomies (or “top surgery”) on transgender patients. Candidates for that type of procedure have to provide extensive documentation of their trans journey (i.e. a letter from a licensed health provider attesting to “persistent gender dysphoria”). The doctor notes that minor patients may qualify for top surgery if they’re 16 or 17 years old, have been taking testosterone and — crucially — have parental consent.

According to Walsh, this is proof that Vanderbilt surgeons will “happily perform double mastectomies on adolescent girls” after they’re “drugged and sterilized.” And actually, he’s right! Because he’s simply repeating what the doctor said — he just ran every word through the Hateful And Transphobic Language Translator first. If you reverse-translate it, it goes something like this: “Vanderbilt surgeons will happily perform the surgery that their trans patients need and want if they have been taking testosterone, have a documented history of gender dysphoria and can, if needed, obtain parental consent.”

Clip #3: A third doctor says that “conscientious objections” to gender-affirming care are “problematic.”

“You are doing something to another person and you are not paying for the cost of your belief,” she continues. “I think that’s a real issue.” Vanderbilt would likely accommodate religious objections, she adds, but “it would not be without consequences.” (She does not elaborate on the consequences, though I interpreted them to be more about establishing a precedent than about vengeance on specific employees.)

…Look, we live in a country (not a church) that embraces (or claims to embrace) freedom of speech, which makes it fine for one doctor to opine about other doctors who refuse to treat certain patients. And that’s it! That’s the end of Walsh’s deeply sourced “report.” It proves nary an inkling of impropriety, but because it’s draped in a hundred shades of bigotry and can be promoted solely via right-wing dog-whistle, it was more than enough to fire up Tennessee’s Republican lawmakers!

Gov. Bill Lee called for an investigation into the clinic, saying in a statement that “we should not allow permanent, life-altering decisions that hurt children or policies that suppress religious liberties.” (Lee has no such qualms about the state’s abortion ban, which does not provide exceptions for child victims of rape or incest or for Jewish patients, who are taught that abortion is necessary.) He never explained what law he believes the clinic is breaking.

House Republican Caucus Chairman Jeremy Faison was a little more specific, saying on Twitter that it’s “unconscionable” to treat minors with hormones, but “threatening doctors with ‘consequences’ who have religious objections is against everything this country stands for.” (Reminder: Nobody threatened doctors. Also, I think the country was founded mostly on the idea of slavery, but then women have only really existed for a century, so what do I know?)

And that brings us to House Speaker Cameron Sexton, whose words really speak for themselves!

“Your biological sex at birth is your identity,” he said in a statement. “There will be legislation filed this session by many members to protect Tennesseans from this barbaric practice.”

…JK, they don’t explain anything. From which “barbaric practice” do Tennesseeans require protection? Is this a backwards way of acknowledging that literally any attempt to restrict kids’ access to gender-affirming care flies in the face of the medical advice of pediatricians across the country? (Probably not.) And because I’m sure Sexton isn’t going to issue a correction, allow me to say this yet again: Your biological sex at birth has nothing to do with your identity unless you, personally, identify with your biological sex at birth. No exceptions! Not even the super-American kind!

Elsewhere in exceptionalism: Louisiana federal judge blocks COVID vaccine mandate for Head Start staff … Minnesotans are drinking themselves to death at an unprecedented rate … After Platinum Health took control, all workers at two Missouri hospitals were fired … (New Jersey) State stalls on distributing relief to residents struggling to pay water bills … Tests show Oregon students’ proficiency in core subjects declined during Covid … ‘Heartbroken and horrified’: state officials, advocates discuss abortion access in Pennsylvania … When Texas students campaigned for a more diverse history course, they got a lesson in politics … West Virginia is returning $86 million meant to help renters and landlords to the federal government … Michigan GOP congressional candidate railed against women’s suffrage, women in the workplace

From the Newsrooms

• Feds begin air-dropping seeds and mulch over the burn scar in northern New Mexico
• Kansas election conspiracy theorists seek 2020 redo, ban on electronic voting machines in 2022
• Judge issues preliminary injunction, pausing Indiana’s near-total abortion ban
• Legal fight over civilian oversight of St. Louis police could have statewide implications
• (Alaska) Justice Department funds to aid tribal law enforcement and help Indigenous victims of crime

One Last Thing

A North Dakota woman named Erin Christensen is facing a handful of criminal charges, including “unlawful possession of furbearers,” after bringing a raccoon to a bar. Christensen, who was arrested last week, said her family found the raccoon (named Rocky) on the side of the road and were planning to rerelease him after nursing him back to health. She took Rocky to the bar for happy hour on Sept. 6 (honestly, who among us), prompting officials to issue a warning about a potential rabies exposure. 

Rocky didn’t bite anyone at the bar, but officials still euthanized him. He later tested negative for rabies.

This edition of the Evening Wrap published on September 22, 2022. Subscribe here.