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Bon appetit, Trump’s zombies

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Bon appetit, Trump’s zombies

May 31, 2024 | 12:46 pm ET
By James E. Garcia
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Bon appetit, Trump’s zombies
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Photo via Fulton County Sheriff's Office

It’s been nearly four years since I wrote that the “Republican Party may not be dead yet, but it’s probably time to put it out of our misery.”

GOP acolytes probably thought I was being mean-spirited. Looking back, it seems I was being generous. 

As it turns out, the GOP isn’t just dead, it’s now morphed into an army of partisan zombies wholly determined to kill democracy.

In the wake of Thursday’s guilty verdict against former president Donald J. Trump, the newest incarnation of the undead (or are they just brain-dead?) is being led by a growing phalanx of pro-Trump sycophants.

Trump found guilty on 34 felony counts in NY hush money trial

Reacting to news of Trump’s conviction on 34 felony counts, House Speaker Mike Johnson called it “shameful.” U.S. Sen. John Cornyn of Texas labeled the decision a “disgrace,” adding, “Now more than ever, we need to rally around @realdonaldtrump, take back the White House and Senate, and get this country back on track.” 

Writing on X, Republican Congressman Steve Scalise proclaimed he wouldn’t “stand by while the leader of our party is ambushed by our own government.” His post had a link to Trump’s fundraising site.

And to round things out, rather disingenuously, New York Rep. Elise Stefanik, the House GOP Conference chair, said Trump’s trial was a “sham” and South Carolina Sen. Tim Scott called it a “hoax,” even as he claimed the U.S. justice system “hunts Republicans while protecting Democrats.” (Stefanik and Scott, it should be no surprise, are vying to be Trump’s vice presidential running mate.) 

“Real” zombies, of course, are infamous for chomping on the brains of their victims. In a fresh twist, these guys seem satisfied with simply infecting their prey’s vacuous noggin’s with outright lies and demagoguery.

Doesn’t the GOP claim to be the party of “law and order”? Or does law and order only apply to Trump’s critics and political opponents.

The Republican Party has morphed into an army of partisan zombies wholly determined to kill democracy.

Just to be clear, Trump was found guilty by a jury of his peers on charges that he committed business fraud to hide the fact that he had sex with a porn star because he believed if news of this (not his first) extramarital dalliance got out it could cripple his 2016 presidential election campaign.

To Trump’s inveigled zombie base, all I can do is repeat the question I posed to a close relative after he blew off news of the New York jury’s guilty verdict as “BS.” 

“So, you don’t think that’s a crime?” I asked half rhetorically. “Not to mention, though the jury didn’t consider this, it also happens to be immoral. Or does none of that matter to you?”

I wouldn’t defend what Trump did if my own father or son did it. So, why do his supporters think we should tolerate any sort of criminality from a man, a former president no less, who once swore on a Bible to uphold our nation’s laws and “preserve, protect and defend,” this country’s master legal blueprint, the Constitution of the United States?

Is there nothing Trump can do to allow his supporters to see him for what he is: the single most corrupt and dishonest man to run for president in American history?

In the end, I take comfort in knowing that Trump was found guilty by 12 average citizens, and that no amount of threats or insults, or  high-paid lawyers, and endless lies by the former president swayed them from their sworn duty.

The jury just did its job. And we should salute them.

To Trump’s army of brainwashed zombies: I hope you eat each other alive.